Principles Before Difficult Personalities

Thought for today:

There is a famous saying that “No man is an island”.  In families, businesses and groups we are not alone.

Some people seem to carry toxic feelings around with them all the time, and we feel powerless to deal with or help them.  “…They seem to have been born that way…. but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest…” (Alcoholics Anonymous, chapter 5).

Sometimes we need to deal with these difficult personalities.  The best place to start is by taking The Twelve Steps, and by detaching until such time when we can perhaps build a better relationship.  We get on with our lives, minding our own business, hoping for the best.

BDA Tool 10: We detach from difficult personalities and poor paying clients and put principles before personalities.

DA Tradition 12: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Members share:

“One of my family members is an alcoholic.  When I come home I never know what I am going to find.  This person blames me for not having the life they want.  Alcoholism is a sickness, and I always have to practice detachment, trying to love them even when they are un-loveable.  If it gets unsafe, I will leave.”

“My business depends on courtesy, but there is one customer that is really nasty.  I need to detach and maybe fire this customer.  They don’t appreciate the level of service we offer.”

“One member in our group is very difficult.  This person always brings personalities into the situation, and it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.  Some members have left the group because they felt judged.”

Detachment – a good place to start:

When we detach we aren’t saying we don’t care.  We are saying our own sanity is foremost. Otherwise we are of no use to anyone.

If tempted to react to difficult personalities, we need to look for what part of our character  feels threatened.  In extreme occurrences, we are afraid of losing our jobs, our homes, our families.  We may even feel afraid a loved one will hurt themselves.

The principle of detachment helps.  We may at first need to detach in anger.  Eventually, we try to learn how to detach with love.

When we detach, we are expressing a unique form of love.  We are saying that we want to stop a toxic relationship from deteriorating.  We are hoping for a day when things get back into perspective.


Am I able to detach from difficult personalities?

Meditation for today:

If we get stuck in emotional pain or conflict, we can allow space between our problems and ourselves.  In a quiet half hour alone, we can commune with our Higher Power of our understanding.  Our unconscious minds work on solutions when we can let go of absolute control, and clear the way for healing.

Affirmations for today:

“I love myself.   I care for myself.  Today I claim prosperity.  I hope for healing.”

Meditations for Manifesting: Morning and Evening Meditations to Literally Create Your Heart’s Desire

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