Dealing With Difficult Personalities (BDA Tool 10)

Thought for today:

Those of us who are self-employed are sometimes obsessed with problem customers.  We neglect preferable customers because we are fixing insignificant issues with the difficult ones. We need a healthy balance.

BDA Tool 10

“We detach from difficult personalities and poor paying clients and put principles before personalities.”

A member shares:

“Letting go is hard for a debt addict like me.  I seemed to thrive on chaos and toxic relationships, combating a steady stream of ‘deadbeat customers’ and ‘incompetent vendors’.  I thought I wouldn’t ‘get what I deserved’.

“After a particularly gruesome shouting match with a creditor I called my sponsor to vent.  He asked me ‘what are you afraid of happening?’.  I replied ‘I have people chasing me for money, so I had to get angry to get results!’

“‘How’s that working for you?’, he asked.  I sat for a minute, letting the adrenaline dissipate.  I realized my behavior was getting me nowhere – except to make my employees cower when they heard me yell.  ‘Not too well’, I said.  ‘I keep losing ground each month and my worst fears are coming true.  My people are afraid of me.’

“My sponsor showed me how the principle of self-honesty could help me deal with things that trigger me – like not getting paid on time, or when I would get harassed by a creditor.

“I’ve learned that it takes two to argue.  The principle of integrity became simpler to follow.  This led to calm self-esteem.  I actually made friends out of the same people I was angry with, and my employees are much more relaxed too!”

Getting perspective:

When something bothers us, we need to right-size our attitude.  Asking “how important is it?” helps us get perspective. We can emotionally detach from a situation, breath, and think things through, to get beyond the “trigger event” to a wiser place.

Meditation for today:

What are our worst fears?   Usually we fear of losing something we feel is important, like money, reputation, respect, or peace of mind.

Much of our fear is unnecessary.  We don’t need to let it ruin our serenity.

We can test fear when it comes up, thinking about how likely something is to happen, and assess what we can do to make things better.  If we give ourselves time to change our attitude, we can turn to a spiritual solution for strength.

Affirmations for today:

“If I am afraid, I will seek a spiritual solution to handle my problems.  I may even discover a friend along the way.”

“Fear doesn’t rule me, healing love does.”

“I am master of my emotions.”

Earn What You Deserve: How to Stop Underearning & Start Thriving, by Jerrold Mundis

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