Expectations: Resentments In Training Wheels

Our common welfare depends on DA unity

Thought for today:

When we expect others to behave a certain way, it sets us up for anger.  They have free will, and they resent being manipulated.

Expectations and resentment lead us down a rabbit hole that brings us to debt and despair.  We need to constantly be on guard for attempts to control others.

DA Step 4:

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory.

DA Step 8:

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

A member shares:

“I always expected my family to bail me out of trouble.  When they finally stopped doing so, it scared the hell out of me.  What would happen to me?

“I tried laying guilt on them.  I tried pleading.  I got angry.  How dare they?  Didn’t they know I couldn’t handle reality?

“Of course my thinking was messed up.  Being unemployed and always looking for a handout.  Why should I think that they were an endless money supply?

“My denial compounded the  problem.  I blamed my family for everything wrong in my life.  They were the reason I never finished school.  They were making my life miserable, or so I thought.

“As you would guess, taking responsibility for my unrealistic expectations was major for me.  I had to break that old habit cold, by forcing myself to not ask for help.  It forced me to think hard about how to get a job.

“Gradually I got stronger in DA.  The people in my group helped me take an inventory of my behaviors.  They got me to look at making amends to myself by helping me work my program – brainstorming with me how to make money, and how to track it.

“I also made amends to my family.  We discussed any debt I owed them and decided on payment arrangements.  This was healing for me as well as them.

“I learned that under earning was a major symptom of the disease of debting, and I had it big time.  With DA’s help, I became solvent, got a job, and am now in a wonderful life.”

My will vs. my Higher Power’s

When we were debting, did we ever ask ourselves “What is my Higher Power’s will?”   Most of us never considered inviting our Higher Power into our decisions about money and about people.  As a result, we over-relied on people, and they always let us down.  Even the most well-meaning person gets worn out by endless rescue requests.

We can turn a new corner by taking an inventory or ourselves, identifying our character defects, and working on doing the opposite of those defects.


Are my character defects still running the show?

Meditation for today:

Every decision is a moral one because it is always based on our thoughts about what is in our best interest.  Each decision starts a new universe of life.  When we are in fit spiritual condition, we can make the tough decisions that benefit all concerned.  We need to seek  spiritual solutions to the world’s questions.

Affirmation for today:

“I am willing to go to any lengths not to debt today.”*

*From “Just for This Day“,  DA literature P-129.

Recommended reading: 

How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously*: Based on the Proven Principles and Techniques of Debtors Anonymous

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