Thought for today:

Sometimes it feels like we can’t resist spending money on something a family member needs.  The compulsion is overwhelming.  Circumstances feel like there is no alternative.  I dismiss all logic.  It’s at these times that we need to remember what the program teaches.  Like money in the bank, making meetings pays dividends when we least expect it.

A member shares:

“I’ve been a compulsive spender and debtor all my life.  I incurred tens of thousands in credit card debt paying for ‘necessities’ like vacations to Europe, on top of student loans to the best schools for myself and my kids.

“In DA, I learned how to track my spending and income, pay down debts, field calls from irate creditors, and more.  But the hardest thing I ever had to do was say no to my child when I realized something was wrong with our relationship.

“My child is an adult now, but is very demanding and abusive toward me.  I’m expected to pay to fix every problem – medical injuries from fights, classes to get a driver’s license back, treatment centers.  My child has no “skin in the game” – no job, and no license.

“The program helped me to accept the situation for what it is. I didn’t cause my child’s problems, and I can’t cure them either.   My child needs to seek treatment.  All I can do is stop enabling the sick dependency.

“I love my child more than I love life, but I hate the sick relationship we have.  I know that throwing money at it won’t heal it.  I have to take care of myself, and pray for them.

“At least I’m setting an example with my self-care.  Even though I’m yelled at, I know the anger isn’t meant for me.  It’s low self-esteem run amuck.

“In time, I may choose to help them again.  In the mean time, I will always give them food when they need it.  But I have boundaries, because I must have them.  Our survival – my child’s and my own – depends on it.

“With all the questioning, complaining and grief my child gives me, I still love them.  I simply say ‘I’m sorry, I just can’t afford that,’ and I don’t have to explain my decision.

“I just have to say ‘No’ when I mean ‘No’.  And ‘No’ is a complete sentence.”

Ask:

“Do I know that ‘No’ is a complete sentence?”

Meditation for today:

Look for peace every day.  In your busy day, take a quiet half hour by yourself to think about  your life.  Try to put your life into perspective during this quiet reflection time.  You will be richer for it.

Affirmation for today:

“Every day I see how beautiful this world is.  In the darkest corner, there is always something to learn from, as long as I see it and meditate.”

DailyOM: Inspirational Thoughts for a Happy, Healthy, and Fulfilling Day

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